Brandy

Tonight me and Rose went to Brandy's to hang out and play some games. Ultimately the night was good. Before that I went over to Rose's to play her Raymen game she got for her Wii. It was fun. I had to have her beat some of the quest for me though. :)~ When we left her place we went to Meijers to get a game Brandy wanted us to bring over to play plus I wanted to get some snacks and Rose wanted something to drink. She got a new flavor of Smirnoff Twist. Called Arctic Blue. Well after that we went to the New Cut store so Rose could drop off key's to a shift leader that she was borrowing them from and we then went to KFC's for a quick bite to eat. Literally quick because by then we were an hour late to Brandy's lol. We pulled into the Speedway next door and ate real quick before heading to Brandy's. Like I said I had fun and it helped to take my mind off Emma but it just made it worse for me in a way spending that time with Rose being her "friend" and not her boyfriend. I felt like I had to watch what I said or how I acted around her. Hell I was afraid to touch her. At one point I think I did put my hand on her and as soon as I realized what I did I removed my hand quickly. It's also strange and feels weird to not tell her that I love her. I kept wanting to say it every time I talked to her but had to bite my tongue and the last second before I would spit it out. Overall it was a bit awkward for me. Earlier in the day I was trying to figure how to tell her that now I didn't want to got to Stephanie's on New Year's Eve because I figured it would just be....well awkward. But luckily she saved me from that by telling that she didn't want me to go. At the time I was relieved now of course my cynical side I guess you could say questions why she wouldn't want me to go. At the time when it was brought up I was like "Oh yeah I totally agree." Well that's kinda paraphrasing because I don't remember exactly what I said but you get the gist. And I explained why I felt I shouldn't go but didn't get an explanation from her. Didn't bother me at the time but of course with not much else to do the last few hours but dwell and wished things were back to how they were blah blah blah, I wonder why she didn't want me to go. Another sticky point in the night was that her mom was apparently drinking and so was giving her a hard time and starting shit with her over the phone while she was trying to have a fun night I felt like I should be comforting her somehow but again it felt like I would be overstepping certain boundaries somehow. Don't get me wrong I did try to at least get her to stay out later so as to make sure she avoided her mom because the argument degraded so much that Rose told her mom that she would be packing up all her stuff and be out. I so badly wanted to say you can stay with me tonight or at least that I would stay the night with her to be there if she needed me but again I feel that would be overstepping the friend line since I am a guy after all. I did tell her to it would be ok for to call me if she needed me though. I never received a call so I assume all was ok. At least for the time being. For all the story on that drama I'm sure she will blog about it herself. Ok so it is really and I should be getting to bed now. I guess I feel a little better. There is sooo much more I could be saying, err... typing, right now but........I guess right now it is better to keep it in my head. I don't really want to express the doubts and fears just yet even if it does make me feel a bit more relieved. I guess I just don't want to truly entertain the thoughts yet even though technically I have. Well you get the point I think. On that note good night, good morning, and good-bye.

Kurtis @ 5:48 AM